Shame on You!
This one is every poopers nightmare. Radically varying in
consistency, and usually powered by some uncontrollable, and regrettably
unstoppable force from deep within, this, the queen mother of all
horrifying
experiences, combines multiple ESCAPEES with a vast array of textures
including but not limited to: JUICE, STEW, APPLESAUCE, M&Ms, GRAVY, and
CHICKEN McNUGGETS which pass rapidly through your colon with all the
speed
and inertia of a Japanese Bullet Train. Get the hose ready, 'cause once
this noisy porcelain threatening dynamo breaches the tunnel and hits the
pond, you can be sure that the splattered carnage left in its wake will
be
everywhere. If other poopers are present, they will rapidly depart.
Stay
hidden in your stall until the office closes and you sure that you are
the
only one left in the building. Then dip your butt in the sink to clean
up.
If the night janitor should enter the bathroom, promptly knock him out
using
any means
possible. Make use if his industrial cleaners on yourself and if needed
take his pants, leaving your soiled ones behind.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose
cone
of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has
to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the
WALK
OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
after
you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend
that
the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of
it.
You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office
for
the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE SALAD SHOOTER:
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to
monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE
HAVENS.