Shame on You!
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound
Bus.
Tall tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit
streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the
janitor
cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become
a
SAFE HAVEN.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the
stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLER leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON
or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in
conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
TURD
BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that
the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try
using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting
on
the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper,
as
you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.
This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk
in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,leave
and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.