Pain In The Ass

Critics Are Assholes, Critics Are A Pain In The Ass,
The Asshole Song, The Asshole Song For Assholes

Critics and Hemorrhoids have three things in
common; they are chronically irritating,
nobody wants them and they're a swollen
pain in the ass!"
- Sexy Legs Playgirl

The Asshole Song
For Assholes

Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
'cause you're an asshole tonight.

Yes you're an A S S H O L E.
And don't you try to blame it on me.
You deserve all the credit.
You're an asshole tonight.

You were an asshole yesterday.
You're an asshole tonight.
And I've got a feelin'
you'll be an asshole
the rest of your life.
Jimmy Buffett

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Pain In The Ass

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do.

The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

Suddenly the man screams in disgust.

What's the matter? asked his wife.

Did I hurt you?

No, replies the man, but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders.

The Wright Amendment is a pain in the ass, but not every pain in the ass is a constitutional infringement.
Herb Kelleher, CEO Southwest Airlines

You gotta love livin', baby,
'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass.
Frank Sinatra

There are two kinds of people in the world,
Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters.
And, quite frankly, they're both a pain
in the ass. Dan Devine,
former Notre Dame football coach

I almost resent the whole fashion thing.
Good God,never wearing the same thing twice
and all of those things. It's a pain in the ass.
Jennifer Aniston

Other people hold me up as a martyr.
I'm not a martyr; I just kick ass.
Keith Henson

I would never do crack. I would never do a
drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?
Denis Leary

A couple of months ago I hauled my white
ass on stage alongside Chaka Khan and
Stevie Wonder for Divas Las Vegas,
singing in front of a celebrity audience.
If I can hold my own there, I can hold my
own at Top of the Pops, trust me.
Lisa Marie Presley

Nobody's kissing my ass, unfortunately.
I could use a little. But then again,
my personality isn't conducive to butt-kissing.
Christina Ricci

Most people wouldn't know music if
it came up and bit them on the ass.
Frank Zappa

Fame is also a test of character at times.
Sometimes I pass the test; sometimes I'm a
pain in the ass. Sometimes I'm like, 'Oh, God!
I just want to buy some tampons!
Meg Ryan quotes

If sex is a pain in the ass,
you're doing it backwards.

I have never seen an ass who talked like
a human being, but I have met many human
beings who talked like asses.
Heinrich Heine