A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from
his mother asking him to send her a current picture.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist
colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.
Later, he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture
in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is
really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part,
but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and
hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style.
It makes your nose look long."
Exclusive Nudist Colony
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day
he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately
gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over
to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?".
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be
new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you
an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down
on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have
his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits
down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent,
hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" "You must be new here, it is a
rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge
man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling
naked receptionist: "May I help you?". Bob says: "Here is your card
and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a
small fraction of our facilities."
Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on
about once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!"
The Nudist Camp
A young man had been taken for his first visit to a nudist camp
by his parents. He was surprised at the different sizes of the
male organs and mentioned it to his father. The father, being
rather well endowed, explained that it was a measure of
intelligence, the big ones being smart and the small ones
That afternoon the father was looking for his wife and asked
his son if he had seen his mother.
"I saw her about ten minutes ago, She was with a real dumb man,
but he seemed to be getting smarter all the time.
Nudist Girl and Raisins
A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
And the back she's a Parker House roll.
Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?
A: The one who can carry 2 large coffees and a dozen donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular woman in a nudist colony?
A: The one who can eat the last two donuts.
To be naked is to be oneself.
To be nude is to be seen naked by others,
and yet not recognised for oneself.
Nudity is a form of dress.
Nudity on stage? I think it's disgusting.
But if I were 22 with a great body, it
would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic
and a progressive religious experience.
Is nakedness indecent? O, not inherently.
It is your thought, your sophistication,
your fear, your respectability, that is
indecent. There come moods when these
clothes of ours are not only irksome to
wear, but are themselves indecent.
Not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come.
Tis' far better to be nude and cloaked with
honesty than to be dressed in finery and
plagued by body shame."
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