Jokes Funny Humor
A letter of resignation from a woman who had quit to have a baby, said:
"Dear Boss: I am getting to big for this job..."
About the only time a woman really succeeds
in changing a male is when he's a baby.
Overheard at an auction sale:
"Sold to the lady with her husband's hand over her mouth."
"Your husband says he leads a dog's life."
"Yes, it's very similar.
He comes in with muddy feet, makes himself
comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed."
"Few women have any knowledge of parliamentary law."
You don't know my wife. She's been speaker of
the house for twenty-five years."
One way for a girl to get a mink coat is to find
a wolf and skin him.
Have you heard of the one about the lawyer who drove
his $50,000 Cadillac to Las Vegas and came back on his
$500,000 Greyhound?
What often keeps a man from making a fast buck is a slow horse.
Pity your boss.
The poor guy has to get up early to see who comes in late.
Ted: "I started out on the theory that the world had an opening for me."
Fred: "And you found it?"
Ted: "Well, kinda, I'm in the hole now."
Night club patron (approvingly watching a gorgeous
Latin go through her torrid dance):
"Lots of pepper!"
Friend: "Nice shaker, too!"
"The college I went to turned out some great men."
"When did you graduate?"
"I didn't exactly graduate. I was turned out."
Daughter: "Oh, mother, I took Henry into the loving room last night and...
Mother: :That's living, dear..."
Daughter: "You're telling me."
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.
What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
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