The age of some women is like the speedometer on a used car,
you know it's set back but you don't know how far.
The clothes that make a woman, break a man.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks!
The average woman is a good listener when money talks!
Women are beginning to wear a lot of makeup again.
I saw one fall down the other day, but she didn't
hurt herself. She landed on her eyelashes!
No woman would ever go to the moon,
she wouldn't know what to wear!
Women don't believe everything they hear,
but that doesn't keep them from repeating it!
Women never lose their temper, they always have it!
If you want to know why they're called
the opposite sex, just voice an opinion!
Many women are like electric irons.
They start to warm up when there's a
new attachment!
Woman try their luck, men risk there's.
Women are supposed to be smarter then men.
Then why do they wear shirts that button
down the back?
It used to be hard to find a needle in a
haystack. Now it's even harder to find
one in a woman's hand!
Women put on wigs, fake eyelashes, falsies,
fingernails, ten pounds of makeup, and
then go around complaining that they can't
find a real man!
Women have a great weapon, twin beds!
"Dad, what part of speech is 'woman'?"
"She's all of it!"
Maid: "Your husband, ma'am, is lying unconscious
in the hall with a piece of paper in his hand and
a large box by his side!"
Mrs. Green (joyfully): "Oh, then my new hat has arrived!"
Husband: "Darling, you don't think you're being a wee bit
extravagant? You've had four electric fans running all day."
Bride: "Don't worry about it, dearest;
they are not our fans. I borrowed them from the neighbors."
She: "Before we got married, you told me you were well off.
He: "I was and I didn't know it."
"Boy, I am scared," Mike said to George, "I got
a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs
if I didn't stop seeing his wife."
"Well," replied George, "I guess you'll have to
stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" George said.
"It's not that," declared Mike.
"He didn't sign his name." By Alex Thien
A sign in the gift shop read, "For the man who has everything:
A calendar to remind him when the payments are due."
She: "Before we got married, you told me you were well off.
He: "I was and I didn't know it."
Woman to husband at breakfast table:
"It sure is easier to get Junior up for
school since he got his nose ring.
Caring her newborn in her arms, Joan got on a bus.
The driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've
ever seen!" Joan slammed the money into the
fare box and took a seat at the rear of the bus.
The man next to her asked what was wrong.
"The bus driver was rude to me!" she complained.
"That's outrageous," said the man.
"he shouldn't be insulting passengers.
"I think I'll go up there and give him
a piece of my mind," Joan said.
"Good idea," agreed the man.
"I'll hold your monkey for you."
A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed
with sex as the average man.
- Mignon McLaughlin
Women love men for their defects;
if men have enough of them women
will forgive them everything, even
their gigantic intellects.
- Oscar Wilde
Sign on a Pittsburgh plumbing contractor's truck:
"You Don't Have to sleep With That Drip Tonight."
Womens Funny Jokes