Sex is hardly ever just about sex.
- Shirley Maclaine

Sex is God's joke on human beings.
- Bette Davis

In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.
- Nora Ephron

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come
there are so many books on how to?
- Bette Midler.

The big difference between sex for money and sex
for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
- Brendon Behan

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free
is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
- Brendan Francis
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The only reason I would take up jogging is
so I could hear heavy breathing again.
- Erma Bombeck

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot
better if you don't have to fake it.
- Unknown

Tell him I've been too fucking
busy, or vice versa.
- Dorothy Parker

There are no good girls gone wrong,
just bad girls found out.
-Mae West

When the authorities warn you of the dangers
of having sex, there is an important lesson to
be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
- Matt Groening

Pursuit and seduction are the essence of
sexuality. It's part of the sizzle.
- Camille Pagia

A halo has to fall only a
few inches to become a noose.
- Farmers Almanac

Sex is a bad thing because
it rumples the clothes.
- Jacqueline Kennedy

A lady is one who never shows
her underwear unintentionally.
- Lillian Day

The only bodily organ which is really
regarded as inferior is the atrophied
penis, a girl's clitoris.
- Sigmund Freud

Anybody who believes that the way to
a man's heart is through his stomach
flunked geography.
- Robert Byrne

To err is human, but it feels divine.
- Mae West

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got
and fifty percent what people think you've got.
- Sophia Loren

The mistakes you regret the most in your life are
the ones you didn't commit when you had the chance.
- Helen Rowland

I'm no angel, but I've spread my wings a bit.

Sex is like a bridge game; if you don't have
a good partner, you better have a good hand.

The score never interested me, only the game.
Is that a gun in your pocket,
or are you just glad to see me?
- Mae West

It's a shame. Now that the sexual revolution is
on, I'm out of ammunition! Sex with somebody you
love is great. Sex without love isn't terrible either!


An innocent couple, one of the few in the world today,
came to the doctor for sexual advice. The doctor had
the woman undress, lie down on the table and then
allow him to demonstrate the sex act. When it was over,
the doctor said, "That was the sex act. Do you
understand?" The man said, "Sure, how often do I have
to bring her in?


There are some things that are better than sex. There are many things worse than sex. It's impossible to find anything just like it!


God told man, "I'm going to give you ten years of normal sex life."
Man said, "That's not enough. The way I feel, I need much more."
God said, "If I give you something, don't complain."
Man said, "But sex isn't just something."
God said, "Look, I'm busy. Well talk again."
God called the King of the beasts to him and said, "Lion, you've got twenty years of sex life."
The lion said, "Ten will be enough."
Man said, "Let me have the extra ten."
God nodded and said, "You've got it."
God gave the monkey twenty years. The monkey said that ten would be enough. Man raised his hand. God nodded and gave him the extra ten. Before the day was over, God had given man ten years the donkey didn't want and a final ten that parrots couldn't use.
That may explain why men have ten normal years of sex, ten years of lion about it, ten years of monkeying around with it, ten years of being an ass about it, and ten years of talking about it!

Sex is overrated, but can you imagine where everything else stands?

Sex before marriage isn't bad unless it interferes with the ceremony!


I could have a healthy normal sex life if it wasn't for my wife!


A phone solicitor asked a man, "Will you contribute to the Sexual Advancement League?"
The man said, "I gave at home last night!"


The minister nodded, pronounced the young couple man and wife, and said, "you may kiss the bride." Lifting the bride's veil, the groom kissed his new wife.

In the back of the room, a small boy whispered to his mother, "Is this where he sprinkles pollen on her?"


A pregnant woman goes to the doctor and asks what position she should be in when she gives birth. The doctor says, "The same position you were in when you first began it."

The woman said, "Do you mean I have to go up to Lover's Lane and dangle my feet out the car window for an hour?


The only cow in a tiny Russian village stopped giving milk, so the locals decided to buy a new one. A cow in Moscow sold for 2000 rubles, but one from Minsk only cost 1000 rubles, so they bought the cow from Minsk.

Later, they decided to borrow a bull to mate with the cow, but whenever the bull approached the cow, she moved away. The bull spent days trying to get close to her, but she continued to elude his advances. The people were puzzled and consulted the wise rabbi. "Hmmm," the rabbi said. "Did you buy this cow in Minsk?"

The villagers were amazed, since they had never told him where the cow came from. One local asked, "How did you know?"