When the legendary salesman was asked his secrets of success,
he gave a humble shrug. "I'm sure you all know the cardinal rules:
know your product; make losts of calls;
never take no for an answer.
But, honestly, I owe my success to consistently
missing a three-foot putt by two inches."
- Ashton Applewhite
An inexperienced real-estate salesman asked his boss if he
could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had
discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
"What kind of salesman are you?"
the boss scolded.
"Get out there and sell him a boat."
- Flix Tesarski
"You pay a small deposite," said the salesman,
"and then make no more payments for six months."
"Who told you about us?" demanded the lady of the house!
- Unknown
"What is your pleasure, sir?"
"My pleasure is making love,
but I came in for a tie!"
"What can you suggest for a man of fifty?"
"A girl of twenty!"
A shoe salesman said to a customer who'd gotten
him to pull out every box on the shelves,
"Mind if I rest a minute, your feet are killing me!"
A man walked into the general store
and asked the shapely clerk,
"Do you keep stationery?"
The shapely clerk answered,
"Until the last few seconds,
and then I go crazy!"
He's a great salesman.
During the war he sold pension plans to kamikaze pilots!
Because of a snowstorm, a salesman found himself
stranded in a small town. He called the home office
and asked for instructions.
The boss replied,
"That's up to you,
your summer vacation started today."
The salesman pointed out the benefit of his company's
life insurance policy. Spicing it with a little
emotional blackmail, he asked,
"How would your wife carry on after you're gone?
The potential customer said,
"That's her business,
as long as she behaves
while I'm still around!"
Everybody's favorite clerk died and went to heaven.
He pointed to a special cloud and asked if that could
be his. Saint Peter said, "Sorry, that one is sold,
but we have one just as good!"
A salesman dies on the road.
The hotel manager wires his company,
"What should I do?"
The company wires back,
"Search the body for orders and send
the samples home by freight!"
The saddest thing in the world is a salesman
with an unlimited expense account and an ulcer!
One salesman said that he'd gotten three orders that week:
Get out, stay out, and don't come back!