He ordered one hamburger, one order
of french fries and one drink.
The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger
and carefully cut it in half. He placed
one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the french fries,
dividing them into two piles and neatly placed
one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip
and then set the cup down between them. As he began
to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around
them kept looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking,
"That poor old couple - all they can
afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries
a young man came to the table.
He politely offered to buy another meal for the old
couple. The old man said they were just fine and were
were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the
little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally
taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let
him buy another meal for them. This time the old
woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face
neatly with the napkin, the young man again came
over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single
bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered...
"THE TEETH."
***
The old man growled, Where the heck are my glasses?"
"On your nose," his wife said.
"Be more specific!"
My aunt died at 102. Thank God they saved the baby!
My uncle died the other day at 106.
He was shot by a jealous husband!
An old man has an affair every six months with a widow in town.
After the January tryst, he says to her, "I'll see you in July."
She says, "Don't you ever think about anything eles but sex?"
A 70-year-old millionaire had just married a beautiful 20-year-old.
"You crafty old codger," said his friend.
"How did you get such a lovely young wife?"
"Easy," the millionaire replied. "I told her I was 95."
- Fiona Golding
There are three faithful friends an old wife,
an old dog, and ready money.
- Benjamin Franklin
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman:
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
- Emo Philips
The miserly millionaire called a family conference.
"I'm placing a box of money in the attic," he said.
"When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven.
See to it that no one touches it until it's my time to go."
The family respected his wishes.
After his death the millionaire's wife looked in the attic.
The box was still there.
"The fool!" she said.
" I told him he should have have a put it in the basement."
- Gene Jennings
A con man was selling a magic elixir guaranteed to make people live forever.
"Take a good look at me," the con man said to the crowd of people gathered
outside of the supermarket. "Feast your eyes on a man who is two hundred
and fifty years old."
An old man asked the con man's young assistant, "Is he really that old?"
The assistant said, "I don't know, I've only been working with him for
seventy-five years!"
A man visited a part of the country where people one hundred years old
aren't uncommon. Seeing an old man walking by, he asked a local, "How
old is that man?"
The local said, "About a hundred and five."
"He must be special to you people."
"Heck, no." Do you know how long it took him?"
Sexy Legs Playgirl's Getting Old