I go to Las Vegas twice a year just to visit my money!
It gets hot in Las Vegas. The other day
I even saw a winner sweating.
Las Vegas is loaded with all kinds of gambling devices,"
says Joey Adams.
"Dice tables, slot machines, and wedding chaples.
Famous last words in Las Vegas - Give me the
money I told you not to give me! He made a seven
the hard way, two dice and a sleeve.
It was so crowded in Las Vegas las weekend, I had
to go to a psychiatrist to find a place to lie down.
In Las Vegas they give you odds you'll never get even!
I went to Las Vegas last week for laughs.
In one day I laughed away my car.
I walked past a funeral parlor in Las Vegas.
Four coffins were laid out at the entrance,
ready for the cemetery. I smiled at the
mortician and said, "Business must be good."
The mortician said, "Business is terrible,
they're all shills!"
A Martian landed in a Las Vegas Casino just
as a slot machine paid off its grand jackpot.
As the money poured out, the Martian said to the
slot machine, "You ought to take something for that cold."
And then there's the touching story of the young man
who said to his girlfriend, "I bet you wouldn't marry me."
The story goes that she not only called his bet but she
raised him five! Looks are sometimes deceiving.
The man with a vacant look may have a full house.
Las Vegas takes its cues from bad television.
Mike Tronnes
In Las Vegas a big-time gambler dies and a friend delivers
the eulogy. "Tony isn't dead," the friend says. "He onl sleeps.
A mourner in the background jumps up. "I got a hundred bucks
says he's dead!"
- Solutions for Seniors
Gambling: The sure way of getting
nothing from something.
- Wilson Mizner