You tell your girlfriend she had a Hotbot, she Excites you,
and when you make love, you scream "YAHOO!".
You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the
Communications Decency Act.
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity
and no phone lines.
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a
cellular modem and a laptop.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap,
and your child in the overhead compartment.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when
using a word processor.com
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "net dot com."
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you
see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though
you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents
have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can
hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind
you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice
all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're
halfway through Lycos.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have
no idea where your children are.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you
check it again.
You refer to your age as 3.x.
You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days
and 45 minutes.
You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.
You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending
an instant message to.
You sit on AOL for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
You think faster than the computer.
Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
Whenever you are asked your address, you give them your URL.
The only Family you send Christmas and Birthday Cards to are the
ones who have an email address.
When you decline a real date with a live person cause your cyber
boyfriend (whom you've never met) is waiting online for you.
When your acrylic nails are shorter then when you had them put
on two weeks ago.
When you have to clean your keyboard with a Q-tip to dislodge
the food particles.
When the letters come off your keyboard from excessive use.
You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and
even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on
your favorite IRC channel.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because
they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with
Netscape 2.01 or higher.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest
games from Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?
You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and
check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before
you landscape.
You tell the cab driver you live at http://www.sexylegsplaygirl.com
You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's
got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to
your IRC channel.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search
engines useless.
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with
Netscape 1.1 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling
your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair
in front of your computer with a toilet.
You forget what year it is.
As you forget to do your homework, your first instinct is to
search for the "back" button. All your daydreaming is
preoccupied with getting a faster par connection to the net:
28.8...ISDN...cable modem...etc
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you
think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack
for "surfing the net".
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is
allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage,
so you buy another computer and install a second phone
line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,
your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
Addicted To The Web
(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy ... although
My boss let me go...
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by;
they shake me, saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered abctv-dot-com!"
I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!
Is Your Computer Male or Female?
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized
as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or "She's
listing to starboard, Captain!").
Recently, a group of all male computer scientists
announced that computers should also be referred to as
being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as
informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you,
then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term
memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of all male computer scientists,
think that computers should be referred to as if they
were male.
Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that,
if you had waited a little longer, you could have
obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to
turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest
of the night.
Internet Addiction
Dates From Hell
Confucius Says Funny Naughty Quotes
Blowjob Etiquette For Men
Condoms and Slogans
Tips For Successful Dating
Things Men Should Not Say in Victoria's Secret
Sex and Murphys Law
Why Women Prefer Sex With Cucumbers Than With Men
Lovers Sensual Games
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