Confucius Says
Funny Quotes


Confucius Says, Chinese Proverbs, Chinese Cocktails, Funny Jokes

Woman who not practise sex before marriage is sentenced
to an indeterminate length.

Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
Man should learn to masturbate, come in handy.
He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.
Boy and girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
He who sleep with itchy asshole, he will wake with smelly finger.
Boy who fool around with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.
Boy who play with himself pulls boner.
Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
Elevator smell different to midget.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
He who outruns the cheetah is fucking fast on his feet!
He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.
He who refuses to listen is lying.
Man with bird in hand have trouble blowing nose.
Never raise hand to angry child; it leave groin exposed.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Man who sit on tack get point!

He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't
feel crazy, feels nuts.

He who stands on toilet seat is high on pot.
Woman who spend too much time on bedspring soon get offspring.
It take square ass to shit a brick.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!
Man piss in wind, wind piss back.
Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.

Man who eats photograph of his sire is soon spitting
image of his father.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Naked man fears no pick pocket.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
All men eat, but Fu Manchu.
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant.

He who fish in other man's well often catches crabs.

Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission
grow up to be shiftless bastard.

Baseball very funny game cause man with 4 balls no can walk!
Man who live in glass house should change in basement.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
Man who shoot off mouth bound to lose face.
Man who lay woman on ground have peace on earth.
Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Man who polish knob play pocket pool.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who sleep in cathouse by day sleep in doghouse by night.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker.
Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose.
Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
Man who put rooster in freezer over night have frozen cock.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead.
Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Man who who put cock on stove have hot rod.
Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion.
Man with atheletic finger make broad jump.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Never trust men with short legs, brains too near the bottom.
Secretary not permanent fixture till screwed on desk.
Soldier who goes to bed horny wakes up with discharge in hand.
Squirrel who runs up woman's legs not find nuts.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who eat cookies in bed at night will wake up feeling crumby.
Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup.
Woman who put detergent on top shelf jump for Joy.
Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.
Woman who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.
Woman who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge.
Woman who slide down bannister make monkey shine.
Confucius Says, Chinese Proverbs, Chinese Cocktails, Funny Jokes
One never needs their humor as much
as when they argue with a fool.
Chinese Proverb

If you are planning for a year, sow rice;
if you are planning for a decade, plant trees;
if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people.
Chinese Proverb

The palest ink is better than the best memory.
Chinese proverb

The tongue like a sharp knife,
Kills without drawing blood.
Chinese Proverb

He who asks is a fool for five minutes,
but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese Proverb

The house with an old grandparent
harbors a jewel.
Chinese Proverb


Chinese Cocktails
1.5 oz. Jamaican rum
1 tbsp. triple sec
Marachino liqueur and grenadine
dash Angostura bitters
Fill a mixing glass with ice
Add ingredients and shake
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass
Confucius Says, Chinese Proverbs, Chinese Cocktails, Funny Jokes




Confucius Says, Chinese Proverbs, Chinese Cocktails, Funny Jokes
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