1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw,
it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head.
Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally,
do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week",
get it through your head, I'm bloated and I feel like shit
so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you
just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on
high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off
and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth,
don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behaviour
to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to
speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the
moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2
about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care
about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't
get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is
inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean
I have to "kiss it good morning".
First Blowjob
A man walks into a bar and sits down and order 12 shots
of whiskey. The bartender stunned by this order asks
the man, what is the occasion.
The man says, "I’m celebrating in a way."
The bartender asks the man what he’s celebrating.
The man smiles and says, "Today I just got my first Blowjob."
The bartender says, "Well now, that sure is worth celebrating.
Hell, I'll buy you another shot. It’s on me!"
The man says, "No thanks. If 12 shot's don’t get the taste
out of mouth, nothing will."
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.
Blowjob Revenge Cocktails
1 Part Baileys
1 Part Lime Juice
Pour into 2 seperate shot glasses
Swirl the baileys around the mouth and hold
Take some of the lime juice and swirl
together with the baileys around the mouth.
Then swallow!
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